Santa woke early and went to the beach to find Rudy and Crew waiting with his new suit. And because he was the fastest quick change artist who’d ever lived and whoever would, he was out of his suit and into the next in less than a blink of an eye.

The new Santa suit came with a bag of toys, but they weren’t nearly as ostentatious as the seven foot candy cane. He doubted if he’d be donning that getup anytime soon and he was glad to have it loaded into the sleigh and out of his sight.

“See you tonight, Rudy,” He said and the head reindeer nodded, because he couldn’t talk, then lead the team skyward.

A half hour later, he found himself staring at the Queen Mary. The surfer girl was aboard. He sensed it and he was never wrong, not where his Santa sense was concerned. Well, almost never.

He went aboard and found most of the guests were still asleep and the staff seemed to be as well. and there were no tourists about. He wondered where they were and then he knew.

“Lucifer,” he muttered. He’d stopped time. So he and Lucy, maybe the surfer girl and whoever else Lucy wanted, perhaps some of his minions, would be living in a sliver between time. Nobody could see them in the sliver and they could see no one outside of it.

Well, Santa thought, there was nothing he could do, till Lucy showed himself, save for maybe calling the Big Guy. But he’d gotten himself into this fix and he couldn’t be calling God every time he messed up. Like the Big Guy was fond of saying, He preferred helping those who helped themselves.

He was hungry, so he headed to the main dining hall. But, of course, it too was deserted. He went to the kitchen, not a scrap of food around. Lucy had disappeared it as well as the people.

Ah, well, he’d wander the boat and wait. It wouldn’t be too long, of that he was sure, because Lucy had never been very patient.

On the bridge, he marveled at what it must’ve been like, steering this great ship on the high seas. Ah, the life of a sea captain, that would’ve been wonderful. Not as wonderful as being Santa Claus, but pretty gosh darned wonderful. A life full of adventure.

He was about to take a turn behind the wheel, when he heard a scream. He turned toward it. It was the surfer girl, he was sure of it. She was halfway across the ship away and down in the engine room. That he knew, but he heard the scream as loud as if she’d been right next to him.

He hurried to the engine room and when he got there the girl ran straight to him, terror on her face. She didn’t look the same, gone was the blonde hair. Gone was the innocence. She looked like a vampire, but, of course, vampires aren’t real. But she looked like one. And she was afraid, like one was after her.

“Help me!” she cried, as she threw her arms around him.

“I will,” he said.

She broke the hug and scurried around behind him, putting him between her and the Devil, who was wearing his horrid Davy Jones persona. Santa had seen it before, but the surfer girl hadn’t and if you hadn’t ever seen Lucifer made up to look like Davy Jones, you’d be afraid too.

“She’s mine,” the Devil said.

“What did she do that makes you think so?”

“She got drunk, got behind the wheel and killed a family of seven. Mommy, Daddy and five children out on a lonely road. She clipped their car and they went into a tree and she fled the scene. Three of those children would have lived, if she’d’ve stopped and called Nine-One-One.”

“Ah, I can see how the Big Guy might be upset about that. He could’ve forgiven the drinking and the accident, but the leaving, probably not.”

“So, you’re not going to fight me on this.”

“Oh but I am.”

And all of a sudden he found himself in Hell with the surfer girl. But he’d been prepared. He’d brought a leather leash along, which he wrapped around the girl’s waist. Then he popped on outta there, dragging the surfer girl along him, leaving her wings and the fire and brimstone behind.

“Maybe you can take and hold the girl,” He thought talked to Lucy. “But you can’t hold me. Whatever made you think you could?”

“I was hoping you’d leave her behind.”

“But I didn’t.”

“And she’s your problem now.” The Devil broke the connection.

It was still early, but what heck? He led her to a table. Once seated, he ordered a Corona, only to find out they were out.

“A bottle of your finest Zin,” the surfer girl said.

“That’s two hundred and seventy-five dollars,” the waiter said.

“He can afford it.” She nodded toward Santa.

“It’s alright,” he said. And he enjoyed a glass when it came, but the surfer girl, whose name he still didn’t know, had three. Then she ordered another bottle and it was about that time, that Santa realized that he had a bit of a problem on his hands. 

“So, I’m guessing you want to know about the accident.” She seemed a bit drunk, but he could tell she was acting.

“Not really,” he said, but he really did.

“It wasn’t my fault.”

“Really?”

“It was God’s.”

“How do you figure?”

“I wouldn’t have hit them, if He wouldn’t have put them there.”


“And leaving those children to die?”

“God could’ve saved them if he wanted.”

“You really are evil, aren’t you?”

“To my very core.”

“Then what was this all about? It seems you’d’ve been very happy serving the Devil.”

“I’d rather serve myself.”

Santa was shocked and beside himself.

“Maybe I’ll see you around.” She pushed her chair back, got up and flounced out of the bar.

And Santa dropped his head into his hands. How could he have been so wrong?

“Those with the most good in them are always the ones who are the most forgiving,” God’s thought rang though his head.

“But I’m supposed to know better,” Santa thought back.

“Really? You’re the most vulnerable of all.”

“So what now?”

“You didn’t hear the splash?”

“No.”

“It seems a great gust of wind picked her up, as soon as she got outside, and dropped her overboard, where Lucy was waiting.”

“And?” Santa said, fighting a smile.

“And he pulled down and down and down.” The Big Guy laughed. “That’s all for now. God out.”

He went back to the Shore and window shopped, losing himself in his thoughts. He’d learned something over the course of the last couple days, but he wasn’t quite sure what it was.

And he was still wondering about it as Rudy led him in a low fly by of the Queen. And then they were off, headed home.